Posts Tagged ‘greatness’
Mid-Life Crisis vs. Mid-Life Transformation
Saturday, February 4th, 2012
If you are anywhere between 40 and 60 years old chances are you have experienced something generally referred to (and depicted in uncountable comedies) as a “mid-life crisis”. Most think of this in terms of a mortality-awareness panic attack. For some it certainly is that and no more. There are others however that use that awareness as a jumping off point for a major reset in their life. We all come to terms with our own mortality and failures to achieve what we thought we would by a certain age. What we do about it can literally affect how you live the rest of your life.
Never Waste a Good Crisis
A mid-life crisis, as the name suggests, is a fear-based reaction to the sudden acute awareness of one’s limited life span and failures to achieve goals and dreams. And any time you react based upon fear, the result is usually not good. A person going through a mid-life crisis will typically try to assuage their fears (or dull their awareness of them) by looking to external things. A new lover / spouse, hot new car, etc. with great mis-guided concern about what others think of them. Unfortunately this approach never works because it is the opposite of acceptance of what is. And until one reaches that acceptance they will never find true peace. Quite often, once the manic phase of a mid-life crisis burns out, the person reverts to “settling” for their current life situation. Not a very inspired way to live the rest of one’s life. By the way, “settling” and “acceptance” are worlds apart.
A mid-life transformation starts out the same way –a sudden realization that a) life is short (and getting shorter by the day), and b) you are not happy with your current state of affairs. Those who use this new-found awareness as a jumping off point for true transformation react quite differently from those is “crisis” mode. There is no panic or fear-based reaction. The first thing that happens is true acceptance of what is, then a deep inquiry as to what can be.
A mid-life transformation is an inside job, internally focused. There is little concern about what others think –a good thing because many people going through true transformation tend to lose many of their “friends” who are threatened by the “new you”. A mid-life transformation is about assessing (and being grateful for) all the skills and experience you have acquired so far and re-purposing them to design and live the life you want. A mid-life transformation is not about acquiring anything, it is about releasing what was always inside of you that was afraid to come out all those previous years.
There is something far worse than a mid-life crisis however. And that is being so dead inside that you never have one. Millions of otherwise hardworking, decent law-abiding people exist with barely a flicker of life. They go through the motions, smile when appropriate, tip the waiter, say hi to the mailman and hang out with friends whose lives are as dead as theirs. These are people who are so afraid of who they really are and the possibility of their own greatness that they bury any glimpse of that awareness. They’re born, they live, they die and all they have to show for it is a little 2″ dash between dates on their tombstone. These are people who live complaining about what is and die with nothing but regrets.
Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them.
~~Henry David Thoreau
So if you had (or are about to have) a mid-life crisis –celebrate! It means you are still alive and a bit more aware. Now the trick is to turn that awareness into an opportunity to transform your life from the inside out. Take full responsibility and go for everything you are worth until your last breath. Do that and I guarantee you will live life fully and have no regrets at the end of this journey.
How to “Make” Things Happen Effortlessly
Saturday, January 21st, 2012
Anyone in business for any length of time is used to “making” things happen. Trouble is we typically struggle, sometime mightily, in our efforts to do so. There is a way to allow things to happen with little or no effort or struggle. And here is why it is so much better than brute force.
“Making” things happen is a very western way of thinking that resides firmly in the ego. In essence, when you try to make things happen, this is what you are really saying about how it will get done:
- In my way
- Within my time schedule
- Using my resources
- Under my control
“Damn the torpedoes, full steam ahead –ram anybody or anything that gets in our way!” Are you beginning to see the problem here? Especially when others are all taking the same approach. Everyone struggles and he/she who struggles most/best wins –that is if you call being exhausted, uptight and frustrated most of the time “winning”.
There is another way that is so powerful you may be tempted to think that it is just too simple to ever work. It’s called “creating a space” for things to happen. Instead of fighting for every inch, go with the natural flow of things. Open up the space of possibility for what you want to happen. Now for you to successfully employ this method and enjoy all of its benefits (relaxed effortlessness, serendipity, greater outcomes than what you intended, etc.) there is a few things you need to let go of.
First is the illusion that you have control over anything other than your own choices. Anything else is just part of the mystery and wonder of life. Secondly (and this is REALLY important) let go of any attachments to the outcomes. This means being dispassionate about whether or not you achieve your objectives no matter how badly you want them. When you marry strong intention (i.e. what you want) with letting go of the need for control and not being attached to outcomes you have by definition created a space for your intentions to happen. This is a powerful space in which miracles occur effortlessly and often bigger and better than you intended. They may not happen in the way you intended, on your time schedule, or through your resources, yet they will happen never-the-less.
This doesn’t mean sitting back waiting for things to happen –not at all. It means taking the steps with full commitment you deem necessary for fruition, yet being open to any possibility that may result from your efforts. By the way, this approach is even more powerful in relationships. When’s the last time you tried to “make” a relationship happen? (and how did that work for you?) In this context making a space for a desired relationship means showing up fully for the other person yet not being attached to whether or not they respond in the way you wish.
There is a corollary to this principle that basically states that the more you try to make things happen, the less space you create to allow them to occur with little or no effort and the more fear is pushing you away from what really works. There is no valor in struggle when there is an easier, more natural way.
The next time you feel tempted to swim upstream just ask yourself how tired do you really want to be when you finally get to where you want to go –only to be taken down stream once again anyway. Fight life or flow with it –it’s your choice.
The Quickest Path to Getting What You Want
Saturday, January 14th, 2012
If you are in business, then almost by definition you are goal driven (otherwise you won’t be in business for long). Goals are important as they give us direction and purpose for our energies. Their size and whether we achieve them or not is a fundamental measure of our progress, growth and success. Yet it is how we react when we don’t achieve them that determines just how successful we ultimately become.
Anytime we work on achieving a goal, we are acutely aware that there two possible outcomes: we either achieve it or we don’t. And for most people, the more intensely committed we are to achieving our goal the sweeter the taste of victory when we do, and likewise, the more bitter taste of defeat when we don’t. As a result, the greater the effort and commitment expended, the more we tend to become attached to tasting the sweet and avoiding the bitter. This approach makes achieving big goals a rather tense affair, even to the point to where we don’t bother because we can’t stand the possibility of not achieving them.
Now what if we took an entirely different approach to achieving any goal or objective, no matter how big. Imagine for a moment being totally and completely committed to achieving a big goal where you are giving it everything you got. And, (this is the important part) not being attached to the outcome. In other words, you truly become indifferent to the whether your goal is realized or not. Kind of makes your head hurt doesn’t it.
Being totally committed to every endeavor without being attached to the results of your efforts is one of the most powerful secrets to true and lasting success. Here’s why:
- You have more energy available to achieve your goal – that’s because you don’t waste any of it on worrying about what will happen if you don’t achieve it;
- You have more creative resources to achieve your goal – being unattached puts you in the present moment like nothing else. No longer are you concerned about the future. This empowers you to focus on the “right now” which is where any goal is ultimately achieved. Also, being in the present allows you to access other creative possibilities that you may not have considered if worrying about the future outcome.
- Failure becomes a stepping stone to success – not a gauntlet of self-doubt and incrimination to be avoided at all costs.
- It’s a lot more fun! – when you are in the moment working on something important without worry of the ultimate outcome you will simply enjoy your efforts that much more.
A straight line from point A to point B is rarely the quickest path. We often run into many detours, road blocks and alternative routes that at first seem to take us further away from where we want to go. Yet these are all part of any process to achieve anything worthwhile. How you react to these unexpected twists and turns and whether you choose to treat them like the adventure they are, or barriers to your progress will ultimately determine how fast and often you reach your goals.
Commitment without attachment to outcome is a skill that can be developed. Start practicing with small goals first just to see the relief it give you. Then work up to the big ones –your life will never be the same.
One Question That Will Transform Your Life and Business
Saturday, January 7th, 2012
I recently learned something powerful from my good friend and fellow coach Bob Corcoran. He always asks his coaching students (and himself) a simple yet profound question, that when answered truthfully, almost always transforms their business and life.
“What are your mooring lines?” In other words, what is holding you back from being the very best you can be. The reason this question is so powerful is that it puts the responsibility of our life and business success squarely on our shoulders and no longer allows us to blame others.
As you know, mooring lines are the things that prevent hot-air balloons from rising, planes from taking off and ships sailing away. In just the same way, they are the things that prevent us from soaring, from truly living life fully, from achieving our highest business success. Mooring lines are unique to each person. No two people have the exact same ones.
There are many different types of mooring lines. See if any of these ring true for you:
- Limiting Beliefs – seeing your world as “small” so you feel safe in being small. Not accepting possibilities that are right in front of your nose for all kinds of “because” your mind will throw your way. You were designed to live and work large and this mooring line will prevent you from doing that.
- People and Relationships – chances are you have existing relationships that are absolutely holding you back. These creatures can take the form of “energy vampires” (where you feel exhausted just being around them), “complainers and nay-sayers” (who quickly throw a wet blanket on any attempt to change for the better) and “green monsters” (who outwardly applaud your successes yet inwardly seethe with envy). These mooring lines can be hard to cut because our society puts such a high value on relationships (as it should). Yet here’s the thing, when you cut these lines it frees you up to find new relationships that support rather than constrain.
- Negative Emotions – anger, frustration, etc. (to name a few) can all be powerful mooring lines because they take up so much of our energy and time. The way to cut these lines is learning to become “unattached” to outcomes. The fine skill of being totally committed to something yet unattached as to whether you achieve it or not is one of the most powerful you can have for both business and life.
- Lack of Gratitude – seeing the glass as half-empty vs. half-full holds you back from seeing unbelievable possibilities. Now imagine how different your life and business would be if you saw everything that happens to you, no matter how devastating, as a blessing in disguise.
- Being Shut Down – sometimes the pain of life is so unbearable we shut our heart down to avoid feeling it anymore. The problem is that you don’t feel anything else anymore as well. The way to cut this mooring line is to imagine your heart being open, even in painful or threatening situations (which admittedly takes lots of practice). And once you let this line go, you are free to accept the most powerful gift life can offer us, love.
You may be wondering why “Fear” was not part of that list. Actually, the very strands of every mooring line are woven with the fiber of fear. Behind each one is fear when you really get down to it. It just shows up in different forms.
Now here’s the best news. No one but you is holding on to your mooring lines. You have the free will, the choice, to let each and every one of them go. Will it be easy? Most likely not. Will it be worth it? You already know the answer.
Living and Working Fearlessly
Saturday, September 24th, 2011
Had quite a conversation with my best friend this morning. We were discussing what it meant to have a full / “ideal” life. Her’s was having strong connections with loving family and friends, a stable career, a reasonable lifestyle and contentment with all of that. My definition of an “ideal” life was markedly different. One that, if you consider carefully, could have a major impact on your own business and life.
Ponder this for a moment: Everyone alive on this planet today will likely be dead in 100 years from now (major breakthroughs in life extension notwithstanding). We have just so much time and when it’s over it’s over, fini, caput. So given this context, is what you are currently doing and even more importantly, who you are currently “being” represent your full, ideal life?
It’s a safe bet how 99.99% of people living in the developed world will answer this question. Money, possessions, deep loving relationships, exciting lifestyle, etc. won’t cut it if you are in “prison”. A prison where the seemingly impenetrable bars are made of nothing more than of our fears about living fully, outrageously and from our hearts.
How many of us have “comfortable” relationships, comfortable jobs, comfortable lifestyle, comfortable distractions and so on. The more affluent of a society we live in, the easier it is to be sucked into “comfortable” rather than living fully —which by definition means allowing oneself to fully and intensely feel pain, pleasure, love and overall lust for life. Striving to be comfortable, safe and protected is like soundproofing your soul as the universe is playing Bach’s 5th symphony. You know something great is occurring and you are afraid of what might happen if you let go of all self-imposed protections to experience it.
Imagine what your life (and by extension, your business) would be like if you were “fearless”. Not that you can or even should eliminate all fear, but playing full out in spite of fear. Breaking free of the self-imposed prison bars of fear. Freeing yourself up to infinite possibilities you never could have imagined…
Fate loves the fearless.
~ James Russell Lowell
Our hearts are always whispering to each and every one of us. It is very hard to hear when we bury ourselves in work and distractions. We each have our own true path during this blink of an eye we call life. Your heart is your guide and your head is your servant to help you achieve what the heart knows is best for you. You don’t have much time left, so use it wisely.
Outrageous!
Sunday, September 18th, 2011
Have you ever felt “stuck” in your business or life? If so (and frankly, most currently do on both counts) perhaps it is time to be, well… outrageous.
Outrageous is not about being goofy or tastelessly offensive for the sake of eliciting the biggest reaction from others. On the contrary, being outrageous is all about letting who we really are come out and shine for all the world to see —without concern or attachment to how others (even close others) see you.
It is no accident that some of the most successful people in the world are considered outrageous. My personal hero is Richard Branson of the Virgin group of companies. I can’t imagine anyone having more fun, while making more money, while changing the world for the better than him. Another favorite of mine is Rush Limbaugh. Regardless of your political leanings, you’ve got to admit that this guy (who I believe never finished college) does and says exactly what he wants and as a result attracts the largest radio audience in the U.S. and “Has more fun than a human being should be allowed to have!”
You see that’s the beauty of being your outrageous self. Doing so will attract far more people to you than any other way. Human beings are almost preternaturally attracted to those who have discovered the secret of just allowing the entirety of who they already are shine through —like moths to a bright flame.
For most people, being outrageous is the purest form of who they are, who they “be”. The jaw-dropping reaction we normally equate with “outrageous” is because almost everyone is so constrained in the way they live and interact that when someone does allow their true “outrageousness” to show, it is a shock to those who witness it.
I have Dalinian thought: the one thing the world will never have enough of is the outrageous.
~ Salvador Dali
Being truly outrageous in the manner described here takes tremendous courage and a willingness and faith to let go of all pretenses. Few are currently willing to do this which is the primary reason being outrageous will cause you to stand out incredibly. But that is just the tip of the iceberg. When you are ready to truly be outrageous, the world will unfold like a beautiful flower and you will surely wonder why you waited so long to be who you already are.
Celebrate Turning Your Job Into a Business
Saturday, September 3rd, 2011
Ah Labor Day, the last hurrah at the end of Summer typically featuring beach, buns and BBQ —all in the name of having… a “job”! Given that over 14 million in the U.S. alone don’t have one, that should be something to celebrate. Personally I would be in a much more excited about celebrating a “Business Day” or “Entrepreneur Day” holiday. Unfortunately most people who think they own a business really just have a job. Here’s how you tell the difference.
The amount of money you make doesn’t determine whether you have a business or job, it’s how you make your money that does. For example, you really only have a job if you:
- don’t get paid unless you do the work yourself;
- are the only one that knows how everything gets done;
- built your book of business around your own name (i.e. created the brand of “you”);
- constantly run around putting out fires;
- have trouble handling the work you already have, much less grow it;
- are a “jack of all trades” doing most, if not all, that needs to get done by yourself.
Now really, does the above seem like something you want to celebrate?
Whereas when you truly have a business it works for you, not the other way around. Things get done and money is made whether you are there or not. And, you have something to sell because it’s not about you and the operations side has been fully documented which essentially means you’ve made your business “turnkey” for any buyer.
So as you chomp down on that burger, swill your beer and fry you skin in Summer’s dwindling sun think carefully about what you really have. And perhaps more importantly, what you could have if you only chose to.
How to Surrender to Success
Sunday, August 28th, 2011
Have you ever felt that the more you push forward, the more life and business pushes back? If so, (and most have) then perhaps it’s time to surrender. Now I didn’t say “give up” which is completely different. Here’s why “surrendering” can be your E-ticket to moving forward and achieving what you really want.
If you have enjoyed any measure of success chances are you feel it is due to your grit, drive and determination that got you there, in spite of all set backs. And to a large part that is probably true. Here’s the thing, just because pushing hard worked before, doesn’t mean it’s the appropriate strategy all the time. In fact, there will be times when pushing hard is exactly the wrong thing to do.
Live and business is a lot like surfing. The power of the ocean waves dwarf’s any attempt on our part to control them. Yet if we learn when to take off, how to stand and steer we are in for one hell-of-a thrilling ride. And the best part is, the wave itself does most of the work. Sure, you will fall and occasionally be pummeled, but that’s just part of learning. Surfers don’t master the wave, they master how to ride it’s immense power.
The key here is don’t let your ego trick you into thinking that you can drive forward at any speed any time you want. All this leads to is exhaustion and frustration (and probably a lot of pissed off friends and family).
Life and business is a journey, one where we travel on our own unique path (or wave, if you prefer). Surrender to the subtleties of the one you are on and you will know when to push hard and when to back off. Trust me, you will enjoy it much more and go a lot further using much less energy. For what it’s worth, the ability to “surrender” is the very essence of coachability…
Generate Business NOW —Even As the World Crumbles
Monday, August 22nd, 2011
The news from Wall Street and Main Street (i.e. the housing market) could hardly be less encouraging. And to put a cherry on that sundae, the “experts” are now saying we will likely be entering another recession (like when did we stop having the first one?). This all begs the question: How are you going to generate new business when everything seems to be falling apart?
The first thing to remember is that no matter how bad the economy gets, people will still be buying and selling real estate. I remember being in the business (actively buying investment properties) when interest rates on 30 year loans were around 17% – 18%. The key is to help those who need to sell –right now! This means aggressively courting the FSBO’s and Expireds of the world. The majority of these folks need to sell, no other option available, which means they need YOU.
I made a lot of money during another recession (in the mid 1970′s) specializing in FSBOs. Here are some proven tips to help you turn these market opportunities (FSBO’s and Expired’s) into cash:
- Sell the appointment, not your service - you have to get “belly to belly” with these folks if you want to list their home. Many agents make the mistake of selling their services over the phone. The only thing you want to use the phone for is to get that in-person appointment. So get good, real good at selling the appointment.
- Be their advocate - FSBO’s and Expired’s tend to be stressed out and just a little bit cynical about Realtors. Make it clear that you are there to help them achieve all of their goals, whether or not you get the listing.
- Have an irresistible marketing plan - you better have something that will make them go “Wow!” when it comes to selling their property. Something that most other agents in your area are not likely to offer. For an incredible example of this review the 2/8/11 GUEST EXPERT “How to Win Every Listing and Have Sellers Pay You Upfront!“ Live Group Coaching archive.
There will always be business. And in times like these when it seems everything has been made that much more difficult, you may just be open to doing things that are proven to work, in any market. And that my friend is the gift of troubled times.
How to Pace Yourself For Success
Saturday, August 13th, 2011
Does it ever feel like you are going straight up hill with your business with no end in sight? Everyone runs into these kinds of challenges from time to time. The good news is that there is a proven way to conquer them and turn them into your advantage.
This became abundantly clear to me as I recently hiked to the summit of Mt. Shasta (elevation 14,160′) with a group of eight friends. Here’s what I learned from the most difficult hike I’ve ever been on that also applies to business:
- Pace yourself - when the challenge is very difficult (read: steep), you will quickly burn out if you don’t pace yourself. On the seemingly endless 45° slopes of Mt. Shasta we could maintain a pace of 20 steps, rest; 20 steps, rest; and so on. Anything faster and we would actually fall behind and become more exhausted. For maximum advancement, find your pace, then stick with it.
- It’s better to not look at the whole mountain - for our final assault on the summit, we left at 4:00am using head lamps to see our way up the vast snow field. Seeing only a few feet at a time was a good thing. It would have been too demoralizing to be constantly reminded on how much further we’d have to go with every step.
- You will reach the summit, eventually - there is always a point where you no longer will struggle with the up hill slog. It’s called being at the top, the summit and the view is incredible.
- Once you are at the top you can enjoy the ride back down - there is nothing sweeter than knowing you achieved your hard won goal and can now enjoy the fruits of your efforts. For us it meant having thrills (and some spills) glissading down the mountain (i.e. sliding down our butts in the snow).
- You now have greater confidence - the experience of conquering a difficult challenge gives you the confidence and experience to it again, or even something greater. (BTW, Mt. Kilimanjaro – elev. 19,341′ is on my bucket list)
Human beings were designed to be challenged. It’s the only way we grow, get stronger and get better. So next time you run into a wall with your business, just remember that it’s just a really, really steep hill. And with the right approach you can conquer it and turn it into your advantage.
NOTE: to see some HD videos of our Mt. Shasta adventure taken with my “helmet-cam” just go tohttp://vimeo.com/mrusser/videos/sort:oldest. These include attempts at glissading by me and our team and some breath-taking scenery.
