Posts Tagged ‘psychology’
Healthy Benefits of Indulging
Monday, November 28th, 2011
Are you like me? Feel like you ate the entire Thanksgiving table by yourself? With groaning belly, your little internal voice scolds, “I shouldn’t have done that.” Then the guilt kicks in, you beat yourself up and promise to never do it again. But it’s OK – really! See, it’s actually good for you! Here’s why…
Too much of a good thing can be wonderful!
― Mae West
It’s commonly called “indulgence” and is most often looked at as a negative kind of thing. People who indulge themselves are viewed as lazy, greedy, and selfish. In striving to maintain our self-image as good and decent folk, we deny ourselves things we truly desire, both big and small. The more we refuse to acknowledge these things, greater importance gets attached to them and we have to work all the harder to not indulge. Talk about stressful! That’s right – the stress of NOT doing something can be more harmful than doing it (in moderation of course).
Now, suppose for a moment that instead you denied those little voices telling you that to indulge in something is bad, and gave yourself permission to enjoy. Oooo – there now, doesn’t that feel good? Not only do you have that little reward, but you have a few other things going for you. Firstly, people who take time to do something for themselves are shown to have an increased sense of self-worth and accomplishment, because you know have the ability to reap the reward of your work. Secondly, when you admit to a weakness or desire and let go of judgment over it, you find that thing has much less hold on you going forward. Finally, by being honest with yourself, you are building a true and realistic image of yourself rather than a false one based on ideals.
Keep in mind however, that any indulgence should be safely within the bounds of your lifestyle and kept under moderation. Making a conscious choice to enjoy life’s little pleasures should never pose a serious danger to health and well being.
That being said, the next time that voice says “You shouldn’t do that,” feel free to answer, “Oh yes I should! It’s good for me!”
Living and Working Fearlessly
Saturday, September 24th, 2011
Had quite a conversation with my best friend this morning. We were discussing what it meant to have a full / “ideal” life. Her’s was having strong connections with loving family and friends, a stable career, a reasonable lifestyle and contentment with all of that. My definition of an “ideal” life was markedly different. One that, if you consider carefully, could have a major impact on your own business and life.
Ponder this for a moment: Everyone alive on this planet today will likely be dead in 100 years from now (major breakthroughs in life extension notwithstanding). We have just so much time and when it’s over it’s over, fini, caput. So given this context, is what you are currently doing and even more importantly, who you are currently “being” represent your full, ideal life?
It’s a safe bet how 99.99% of people living in the developed world will answer this question. Money, possessions, deep loving relationships, exciting lifestyle, etc. won’t cut it if you are in “prison”. A prison where the seemingly impenetrable bars are made of nothing more than of our fears about living fully, outrageously and from our hearts.
How many of us have “comfortable” relationships, comfortable jobs, comfortable lifestyle, comfortable distractions and so on. The more affluent of a society we live in, the easier it is to be sucked into “comfortable” rather than living fully —which by definition means allowing oneself to fully and intensely feel pain, pleasure, love and overall lust for life. Striving to be comfortable, safe and protected is like soundproofing your soul as the universe is playing Bach’s 5th symphony. You know something great is occurring and you are afraid of what might happen if you let go of all self-imposed protections to experience it.
Imagine what your life (and by extension, your business) would be like if you were “fearless”. Not that you can or even should eliminate all fear, but playing full out in spite of fear. Breaking free of the self-imposed prison bars of fear. Freeing yourself up to infinite possibilities you never could have imagined…
Fate loves the fearless.
~ James Russell Lowell
Our hearts are always whispering to each and every one of us. It is very hard to hear when we bury ourselves in work and distractions. We each have our own true path during this blink of an eye we call life. Your heart is your guide and your head is your servant to help you achieve what the heart knows is best for you. You don’t have much time left, so use it wisely.
Outrageous!
Sunday, September 18th, 2011
Have you ever felt “stuck” in your business or life? If so (and frankly, most currently do on both counts) perhaps it is time to be, well… outrageous.
Outrageous is not about being goofy or tastelessly offensive for the sake of eliciting the biggest reaction from others. On the contrary, being outrageous is all about letting who we really are come out and shine for all the world to see —without concern or attachment to how others (even close others) see you.
It is no accident that some of the most successful people in the world are considered outrageous. My personal hero is Richard Branson of the Virgin group of companies. I can’t imagine anyone having more fun, while making more money, while changing the world for the better than him. Another favorite of mine is Rush Limbaugh. Regardless of your political leanings, you’ve got to admit that this guy (who I believe never finished college) does and says exactly what he wants and as a result attracts the largest radio audience in the U.S. and “Has more fun than a human being should be allowed to have!”
You see that’s the beauty of being your outrageous self. Doing so will attract far more people to you than any other way. Human beings are almost preternaturally attracted to those who have discovered the secret of just allowing the entirety of who they already are shine through —like moths to a bright flame.
For most people, being outrageous is the purest form of who they are, who they “be”. The jaw-dropping reaction we normally equate with “outrageous” is because almost everyone is so constrained in the way they live and interact that when someone does allow their true “outrageousness” to show, it is a shock to those who witness it.
I have Dalinian thought: the one thing the world will never have enough of is the outrageous.
~ Salvador Dali
Being truly outrageous in the manner described here takes tremendous courage and a willingness and faith to let go of all pretenses. Few are currently willing to do this which is the primary reason being outrageous will cause you to stand out incredibly. But that is just the tip of the iceberg. When you are ready to truly be outrageous, the world will unfold like a beautiful flower and you will surely wonder why you waited so long to be who you already are.
These Bullets Are Real
Saturday, September 10th, 2011
My 19 year old son Max and I went to a shooting range yesterday. Being raised in the rural regions of Upstate NY I’ve grown up with guns. Max on the other hand had never shot a weapon in his life. And even though I had experience, it has been nearly 30 years since I last fired a gun. In addition to having some great father-son time together, we both came to a sobering realization. It’s one thing to pull the trigger, but it is quite another to be on the receiving end…
We got to shoot some pretty awesome weapons including 9mm, .40 and .45 semi-automatic pistols, a .50 caliber revolver (that was more of a hand cannon!) and a very cool semi-automatic assault rifle. In case you were wondering, my favorite was the .45 caliber Sig Sauer semi-automatic pistol. Apparently I wore a big grin every time I got to fire it. That was quite an introduction to firearms for someone who had never even previously held one in his hand.
As we were shooting away, Max and I both started to think about how horrible it must be dodging bullets fired from these powerful weapons. Something our brave men and women in the armed forces have to do every day.
It’s one thing to see shooting on TV, in movies or a video game. It’s quite another experiencing its deadly power first hand. Yesterday Max and I had a crash course on how to shoot safely, properly and somewhat straight. But most of all, we gained an appreciation for how much courage our fighting men and women have and all they give just so we have the freedoms we do.
Think on this as you consider dodging the “bullets” that business may send your way this coming week. You get hit by one of those it may ruin your day, but it won’t take your life.
Celebrate Turning Your Job Into a Business
Saturday, September 3rd, 2011
Ah Labor Day, the last hurrah at the end of Summer typically featuring beach, buns and BBQ —all in the name of having… a “job”! Given that over 14 million in the U.S. alone don’t have one, that should be something to celebrate. Personally I would be in a much more excited about celebrating a “Business Day” or “Entrepreneur Day” holiday. Unfortunately most people who think they own a business really just have a job. Here’s how you tell the difference.
The amount of money you make doesn’t determine whether you have a business or job, it’s how you make your money that does. For example, you really only have a job if you:
- don’t get paid unless you do the work yourself;
- are the only one that knows how everything gets done;
- built your book of business around your own name (i.e. created the brand of “you”);
- constantly run around putting out fires;
- have trouble handling the work you already have, much less grow it;
- are a “jack of all trades” doing most, if not all, that needs to get done by yourself.
Now really, does the above seem like something you want to celebrate?
Whereas when you truly have a business it works for you, not the other way around. Things get done and money is made whether you are there or not. And, you have something to sell because it’s not about you and the operations side has been fully documented which essentially means you’ve made your business “turnkey” for any buyer.
So as you chomp down on that burger, swill your beer and fry you skin in Summer’s dwindling sun think carefully about what you really have. And perhaps more importantly, what you could have if you only chose to.
How to Surrender to Success
Sunday, August 28th, 2011
Have you ever felt that the more you push forward, the more life and business pushes back? If so, (and most have) then perhaps it’s time to surrender. Now I didn’t say “give up” which is completely different. Here’s why “surrendering” can be your E-ticket to moving forward and achieving what you really want.
If you have enjoyed any measure of success chances are you feel it is due to your grit, drive and determination that got you there, in spite of all set backs. And to a large part that is probably true. Here’s the thing, just because pushing hard worked before, doesn’t mean it’s the appropriate strategy all the time. In fact, there will be times when pushing hard is exactly the wrong thing to do.
Live and business is a lot like surfing. The power of the ocean waves dwarf’s any attempt on our part to control them. Yet if we learn when to take off, how to stand and steer we are in for one hell-of-a thrilling ride. And the best part is, the wave itself does most of the work. Sure, you will fall and occasionally be pummeled, but that’s just part of learning. Surfers don’t master the wave, they master how to ride it’s immense power.
The key here is don’t let your ego trick you into thinking that you can drive forward at any speed any time you want. All this leads to is exhaustion and frustration (and probably a lot of pissed off friends and family).
Life and business is a journey, one where we travel on our own unique path (or wave, if you prefer). Surrender to the subtleties of the one you are on and you will know when to push hard and when to back off. Trust me, you will enjoy it much more and go a lot further using much less energy. For what it’s worth, the ability to “surrender” is the very essence of coachability…
Generate Business NOW —Even As the World Crumbles
Monday, August 22nd, 2011
The news from Wall Street and Main Street (i.e. the housing market) could hardly be less encouraging. And to put a cherry on that sundae, the “experts” are now saying we will likely be entering another recession (like when did we stop having the first one?). This all begs the question: How are you going to generate new business when everything seems to be falling apart?
The first thing to remember is that no matter how bad the economy gets, people will still be buying and selling real estate. I remember being in the business (actively buying investment properties) when interest rates on 30 year loans were around 17% – 18%. The key is to help those who need to sell –right now! This means aggressively courting the FSBO’s and Expireds of the world. The majority of these folks need to sell, no other option available, which means they need YOU.
I made a lot of money during another recession (in the mid 1970′s) specializing in FSBOs. Here are some proven tips to help you turn these market opportunities (FSBO’s and Expired’s) into cash:
- Sell the appointment, not your service - you have to get “belly to belly” with these folks if you want to list their home. Many agents make the mistake of selling their services over the phone. The only thing you want to use the phone for is to get that in-person appointment. So get good, real good at selling the appointment.
- Be their advocate - FSBO’s and Expired’s tend to be stressed out and just a little bit cynical about Realtors. Make it clear that you are there to help them achieve all of their goals, whether or not you get the listing.
- Have an irresistible marketing plan - you better have something that will make them go “Wow!” when it comes to selling their property. Something that most other agents in your area are not likely to offer. For an incredible example of this review the 2/8/11 GUEST EXPERT “How to Win Every Listing and Have Sellers Pay You Upfront!“ Live Group Coaching archive.
There will always be business. And in times like these when it seems everything has been made that much more difficult, you may just be open to doing things that are proven to work, in any market. And that my friend is the gift of troubled times.
The Tweak That Will Double Your Business
Saturday, July 30th, 2011
Why did one top producing agent suddenly lose four listings in a row when he’s used to about a 98% listing presentation closing rate? He has since fixed this problem, but it’s the same one that most agents have and don’t even know it.
The top producer in question has a nearly unbeatable value proposition for his potential sellers. The reason it stopped working for him is that he “went off script” as he put it. He fell back into the lazy habit of focusing on “features” of what he will do for sellers, rather than the benefits. We witnessed this same proclivity during our recent “Why should I choose you?” listing presentation contest. Nearly every contestant proudly presented the features of what they would do and make them stand out instead of the benefits that would be important to a seller.
The reason it is so easy for salespeople to sell features is that we are so familiar with our services that we “collapse” the benefits with their respective features. In fact, it is hard to imagine why anyone doesn’t immediate “get” the benefits of those wonderful features we so readily and excitedly expound upon. The problem is that most prospects won’t get it, and in fact may feel intimidated by not understanding why those features are supposed to be so valuable.
People buy with their emotions and justify it with their intellect. Benefits are the shortest distance to the heart of the prospect, features are the roadway that support that journey. If benefits are even mentioned in a presentation, they usually follow the feature (the old “features / benefits” selling script). This is ass-backwards. Always, always, always share the benefit first, then justify how it will be delivered via the feature.
High-powered selling is not magic or even hard if you understand and apply basic human behavioral principles. Prospects are only interested in what you can do for them from a benefit perspective. They don’t want to know about the drill, they just want the hole. Learn this well and have the discipline to apply it to every sales situation and watch your closing ratio shoot skyward.
Why Your “Winning Formula” is Holding You Back…
Saturday, July 9th, 2011
What would happen if you gave yourself permission to behave differently? Your friends and associates would almost certainly start wondering “What happened?” and you would probably feel very much out of your comfort zone. So why would you ever consider such a thing? Well, it may be the path to truly setting you free.
If you have enjoyed any level of success in your business (and life for that matter) chances are you are behaving in a way that has worked for you since childhood. This is sometimes referred to as one’s “winning formula”. Adrenaline-driven energy, adroit social skills, seduction etc. are just a few examples (out of potentially hundreds) of behaviors people use to succeed.
The problem with winning formulas however is that they will, in some way, hold you back from your true potential as a human being and business person. That’s because we become comfortable with wearing that “suit” since it has worked and protected us in the past. After a while though, that suit becomes your straight jacket, severely constraining the real you from showing itself.
We are so much more than our behavior, than our actions and reactions. Yet to explore beyond these old familiar ways can be scary. Feelings of disorientation and thoughts of “If I’m not __________ then who am I?” will pop up for sure (fill in the blank as you see fit). And you might even have to deal with the childhood fears that brought on the development of your particular winning formula in the first place.
Unfortunately, most people will not risk this level of freedom until they have grown very weary of their winning behavior (assuming they are even conscious of it in the first place). It usually starts with a nagging feeling that there is something far greater that is possible for you. And, you may have reached the limits of what your “winning formula” can do. If you feel this way you are on the precipice of transformation —a sudden, rapid shift to another larger possibility and experience of the world. I don’t know about you, but standing on the precipice of anything scares the crap out of me.
Now here is where the magic happens. Unlike animals who react by instinct and would back away from anything that scary, we have a choice. We can choose to stay within the comfortable “known” and limit ourselves, or move through our fear of letting go and risk learning to fly as we were all meant to.
As you grow older, you’ll find the only things you regret are the things you didn’t do.
~ Zachary Scott
Don’t Let Your “I’m Excited!” Turn Into “I’m Miserable!” Failure
Saturday, June 25th, 2011
You know how excited you get when you go to an awesome conference and come back with tons of ideas? You’re pumped, the charismatic speaker has you seeing dollar signs everywhere and you can’t wait to get started. Sound familiar? It happens everyday in this business. Yet for most, this burning desire turns into dismal failure in short order. Here’s why and what you can do about it.
It’s easy to get excited about new possibilities because as human beings we conveniently don’t think about all the blood, sweat and tears that must go into realizing them. We focus on the payoff without giving much consideration to what has to be paid to receive it. It is this cognitive quirkiness that makes us extremely vulnerable to all the “quick” schemes pitched to us daily whether it be to get rich quick, get thin quick or get smart quick, etc.
Now here’s the thing. It’s not how excited you are in the beginning that determines your success. It’s how you keep moving forward even when you are bored out of your skull with the “shiny new idea”, exhausted from working it, and totally frustrated with the seeming lack of progress…
Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all.
~ Dale Carnegie
True and lasting success is almost always a long-distance marathon. Endurance, not speed is the factor that determines the magnitude of your success. At times it will feel like you are just going through the motions without an ounce of enthusiasm. Fine, at least you are still moving forward —unlike those unfortunate souls who gave up because they no longer feel the “buzz”.
History is replete with examples of people who felt like quitting but didn’t, only to realize incredible accomplishment. If you were to ask how they were feeling just before their breakthrough, chances are you would get an earful of “I hate this!, This sucks!, When will things ever turn around?!…”. Be clear about your objective and the path you’ve chosen to achieve it. Then never, ever give up.
Turn your frustration into a game where the more daunted you feel, the more determined you are to take the next step. Take this approach to your business and life and guess where you will inevitably end up.
